Soulard's Online Notebook 2001
september 10, 2001
4:41 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, ma.
this website has been offline for a month, perhaps more, as theglobe.com hosting site shut down...i've messed with other locations, those of friends, but yahoo allows the same easy uploading of html files at theglobe did...so for now to get my site back onto the net now not later, i'm going with yahoo...a few, one or two i think, notebooks entries lost from july 2001, and a few psychedelic links but the fact that i have nearly all my files in tact is a miracle...and i thank my old and somewhat lost friend erika for urging me to save these files on my own puter...for the moment, what is up and viewable is the main page and soulard's notebook '98, '99, 2000, and 2001...more soon...
[9/11/2001]
12:53 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, ma.
later on same night...re-added beauty, afflictus and millennial artist's survival guide, as well as ferry tales, to the site's main page...site is getting back up to speed !! :)
september 11, 2001
6:37 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, ma.
the statements on art by jim burke iii and ric amante have been restored...as has g.c. dillon's "fechtner" fiction...psychedelic links, literary links, online library, and boston plane...as well as "dance at bougival" image on main page...in the past day or so this site has come alive again...added a counter on main page from rapid axcess.com...more to go but tis going well...
today jetplanes crashed into the world trade towers in new york city...and another hit the pentagon in washington dc...and there were other hijacks...who did it? i dont know...this country is free in many ways, not free in many others...has friends and enemies around the world...are the chickens coming home to roost? i don't know tonight...
September 12, 2001
12:15 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, ma.
my poems 'phantom limbs,' 'the groove,' and 'resurrection, now' now re-added to site...as well as alice dee link on psychedelic links page (it's there under the title 'excellent introduction to lsd'...site is nearly up to speed as much as it can be with the files i have on hand...
September 13, 2001
8:18 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, ma.
today the series i've been working on for over a year now, 36 Nocturnes, finally begins to show up on this website...it is a series of six series of 36 poems each...216 in all (not done yet but getting there)...today the first six of the first series is on this website at last...it will be a long series and slow in accumulating here...
a job, however crappy might be forthcoming, got a call about a data entry job...well i'll take it if i can get it...there's someone new in my life...a special girl who lives out west...where i want to live...i'll take the shitty job toward a new life soon...
September 19, 2001
3:44 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, ma.
not yet up but the work begun for a new page here which lists alternative media web sites...mainstream media is owned by a very small number of power brokers uninterested in truth which does not make them money or consolidate or add to their power base...other voices must be heard
added #7-12 to the 36 Nocturnes first series page...posting these is a genuine pleasure tho it will take a long time and the full series of series is not yet done...but along it goes...as i go to bed now...thinking sweet dream thoughts of lisa marie :)
September 21, 2001
4:12 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, ma.
added to main page today is Alternative News & Commentary Online link...it's a short list for now but like the psychedelic links page will grow in time...
W addressed the world last night, gave a rousing, warmongering speech contrived to reassure where reassurance is not possible...to rally emotion or more accurately manipulate it...if one listened solely with one's emotions, the anger and sadness one feels for a violent world and those who die because others are in control of weapons and fucking insane, one might have been moved by it...if one listened with one's head, one's intuition, it was the same war cry humans have heard throughout the ages...the tribal chief vowing vengeance for our dead...vowing to cut the heart out of the enemy...
but can the world afford such war cries anymore? will W be donning warpaint and his finest armor and mounting his war-tested steed? no...as proven by how fast he hid his sorry ass the day of the attacks, W is no real warrior...he is a mouth...others will have to figure out how to carry out the chief's bloodlust for revenge...among his chief warriors there is dissension...which is good...there are the glimmers of realization that turning the whole fucking planet into Viet Nam is not going to save the dead nor the living...and there are counter-rallying peace cries going up all over the place...dont bandage the bullet wound...dont merely figure out who shot the gun and shoot him back...figure out why the fuck he shot you in the first place, and why he is fixing to re-load...and why he wants you to pick up your gun more than anything else in the world...figure that shit out and maybe there's some hope left...
4:55 p.m.
added six asterisks between each of poems in 36 Nocturnes series to make it more readable on screen :)
September 26, 2001
6:02 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, ma.
added poems #13-18 to 36 Nocturnes sequence...great satisfaction in seeing these poems go up on this site...
still no war...the days go on and still no war...this is hopeful...it has to be...the heat of the initial fury, the blood-madness is receding...heads and hearts are both again being engaged...meanwhile, i go on job hunting, fuckass way of life...but i've been writing more like a madman last few days...which is good of course...and my courtship of faraway muse continues...which is good...all is good, i suppose...yah...it's all good...even the shitty, lonely, scary parts...
October 3, 2001
10:39 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, ma.
tonight added nocturnes #19-24 to nocturnes series...happy to do after working a meaningless job, done to help my living costs and toward moving next year to Portland, Oregon, my plan currently...
after work napped at Westin Hotel lounge in Boston, woke, ready to work anew...came home and new posted poems are the result...more of my poems are posted at www.lycaeum.org (entheogenic art forum) and at www.arcanum.com (philosophy & spirituality forum)...ok, more later, gnight :)
October 9, 2001
6:38 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, ma.
joe ciccone's poems at this site were lost when theglobe.com site hosting electrolounge shut down with no warning...today began the work restoring his art...first 3 poems of his Scriptor Press published book North of Jersey are now up and viewable...oh, and on front page added a dividing line between my group of poems and joe's and ric amante's...
need a fucking job, fucking job, need a fucking job, doo-da-day...just a bitch fucking difficult task right now...trying to keep head held high...life is still precious and good...there is a special girl in my life again...i'm still ongoing...but at times it just gets to me...more soon...
[10/10/2001]
2:59 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
posted #25-30 of 36 nocturnes, first series...getting closer every time...html is easy but time-consuming...but shit it works...that's fine...it's so late...but fuck yes good...
October 10, 2001
9:43 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
dug into the online library and now the rilke link contains six rilke poems...over time it will build up, not as a link, but with poems on this site...rumi and dickinson to follow, and then much more after that...
October 11, 2001
4:24 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
today the online library is fully up...there are poems by rumi and dickinson as well as rilke...these are not links to other sites but poems on this site, html-coded...as much as possible, it seems to me, a site should have content, not merely links...these three authors are a good start to rebuilding and rethinking the online library...took awhile to find the poems and then code them but damn they look fine :)
looking over notebook 2001 entries from before theglobe server went down i see that what was for the most part lost were psychedelic links, at least a dozen of them...happily, they are listed, at least the names of the sites, in these entries, so next step is to restore them...site is still both recovering and moving on...me? fuck i'm semi-jobless, sometimes despairing, but working is better than most other things...as a precaution this time every bit of the site is now backed up on files on my own computer...so fuck it keep on going...
October 15, 2001
8:14 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
added three more poems to joe ciccone's north of jersey poetry page…slowly accumulating…also added #31-36 of my 36 nocturnes, series one, and divided it into two pages of 18 poems each…
jobhunting goes on and on…it's a bad time to not be working…bush's war against Everyone isn't helping as nervousness and uncertainty is not lending confidence to people's moods…he's obsessed, however, and for as long as he is allowed to carry out his obsession nothing here or elsewhere is going to improve…
October 17, 2001
3:07 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
maybe it's stress, maybe not…maybe just a determination to keep the fuck on functioning despite job troubles and money worries…in any event, today did a shitload of work on this site, in particular the feed your head psychedelic links site but also the lit links and the alternative news links…also the main page…here's the rundown…
feed your head page: fixed the font sizes of the title above the acid image and the links below it…the page now looks a little more coherent than it has in a long time…html is so simple! no reason for any site to look bad or amateurish…added more descriptive title to lycaeum, vaults of erowid, hyperreal, barbelith, pills reports, do it now, free arcade, rhodium, blue honey, and lila…when theglobe.com site hosting electrolounge shut down, many psychedelic links were lost as i did not have them in my own computer's files…going through the 2001 soulard's notebooks, however, i was able to compile a list of these, and restored the following links: Mushroom John's Entheogenic & Psychedelic Inspired Art, The Deoxyribonucleic Hyperdimension, Pill Reports Database, TripZine: The Journal of Psychedelic Culture (formerly the Resonance Project), Do It Now Foundation, Free Arcade Games & Puzzles, Start Your Own Religion (1967) by Timothy Leary, Diary of Psychonaut, Essential Psychedelic Guide by D.M. Turner, Rhodium Chemical & Pharmacological Database, LSD: My Problem Child by Albert Hofmann, Hippyland, The Good Drugs Guide (formerly SeeThru.com/Drugs), & Blue Honey—The Infinite Mushroom…the following sites were cut from the list: Ismist (link is dead), Napster (what was a radical idea has been gutted and subsumed into the mainstream—the idea lives on in many other sites, of course), and live365.com (which now charges for its services rendering it just another shill in the marketplace)…finally, added hallinogens.com to the list, a site i encountered while doing the restorative work with these other sites…
alternative links page: tompaine.com already moved from feed your head page to this page…today restored free radical site to electrolounge but to this page not to the feed your head page where it had been…also restored art bell show link, again to this page not to feed your head page…sadly, art bell show is now charging for its webcast which REALLY SUCKS…a letter at the site from art bell explains it was not his decision but that of the company that produces his program…as he says, the only good news is that his show is still free on AM radio…
literary links page: restored to electrolounge but to this page instead of feed your head page are bohemian ink and a reader's guide to the underground press…they belong here and here they have arrived…
lastly, the visitor counter on the site's front page has been changed to note that its count is from september 2001, not april 1998…one more thing theglobe.com fucked up when they shut down without any advance notice…but in any event, i've learned a hard lesson: BACK UP ALL YOUR FILES ON YOUR COMPUTER AND ON A SEPARATE DISK! i hope it is one i never forget…
October 18, 2001
5:42 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
fixed several links on feed your head page: the lila link, the spiritplants link, and the intro to lsd link…added craigs list boston and weekly dig to boston page…need a fucking job…need to move to the west…need to get over myself and just do the fucking work…
October 29, 2001
3:58 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
first work on site in over a week…recently working some really shitty temp jobs and at times when at home giving into a paralytic despair or, worse, a tendency to zone out on cyberspace for hours at a time…but never quite giving up the battle, never quite…recently scored a couple of weeks work copyediting a manuscript for Little, Brown publishers, an old & big company based in boston…work at home, very very good hehe…since i tend to given my druthers sleep late into day and work deep into the night…Art as always keeps me going and this month ending has been one of my best in a many months…and my sweetie in portland, oregon is my other deep source of strength and inspiration these days…she is finer and kinder than she sometimes realizes…to be bluntly mushie: i love you, lisa marie :)
so today added three new links to feed your head links page: narco news bulletin, mind books, and the marihemp network…all of them very cool and worth checking out…also added 36 nocturnes, series two page, the first 6 poems…so some links and some content added today after a lay off of sorts…as this site grows i feel a sense of greater satisfaction with it…it surely needs more and more good content but it's doing alright…one last thing: at the site spiritplants.com an entheogenic literature forum was added last Monday and i was given the moderatorship…it is already proving to be a flourishing forum…worth visiting as well :)
November 7, 2001
11:22 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
first website work for this month…added 36 Nocturnes, II, #7-12 even as i am nearly finished with composing the fifth series…to one day months from now have all 216 poems written and posted in one place where most anyone can see them is one of my dearest goals…and thereafter to have them in book form too…
jobhunting and being at home nearly all of the time remain my primary difficulties…the American economy is sinking into the abyss as the so-called leader of the nation leads his war against…who? unemployment at a 21-year high while W continues to ride his high horse of useless nationalistic rhetoric neither benefiting the memory of those who were killed in NY, PA, and DC on sept 11, 2001 nor helping those who are still here…the man has no fucking clue what he is doing but at some point made the mistake of feeling that he had finally figured it all out…it is not difficult to predict that when the middle class of this country starts feeling the genuine pain of economic fuckedupedness that bush's days as saber-rattling nut-in-chief will be numbered…and other nuts will no doubt begin to polish their resumes…and their sabers…sigh…it does no good to talk on and on like this but what else really? except to dig deeper into Art and hope that luck continues to come in small batches at least…
November 15, 2001
9:01 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
added 36 nocturnes, second series, #13-18…also my friend zen's open minded productions art site as a link…finished copyediting the manuscript 'on time' for little, brown publishers, hopeful of getting more work from them…currently copyediting a manuscript that does an ecocritical study of thomas wolfe…not bad so far…
been struggling a bit lately…my love is struggling so i am…she is a strong young woman , though, and so full of energy and determination…i love her…i am grateful to the universe for sending her me…more soon on this site…
November 16, 2001
9:50 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
added six poems by robert frost to online library…so that project finally resumes its growth, and not via links, which would be helpful to a point…but links come and go on the web…content that is onsite is more assured of remaining available…
been a long strange week sitting in this tiny apartment in this strange mute town north of boston…at least i've been oft in touch with my girl…her & my Art are what really matter to me…keeping close to them is what saves and continues me…
November 22, 2001
6:57 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
added 36 Nocturnes, second series, #19-24…and pablo neruda poems to online library…was up writing at all-night doughnut shop in my freaky little town…some drunken fools came by and i jumped in when they got abusive…tribe is tribe even if it's the cool counter help that smiles nicely at ya and lets ya sit for hours and write with no hassles…
things with my girl go well after four months known…we mesh perfectly and have lots of fun…i keep hoping she'll come here and see this site and sign guestbook! i'm sure she will read this at some point and roll her eyes and smile…hehe…ok more soon…
November 23, 2001
7:35 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
this morning added 36 nocturnes, second series, #25-30…and dylan thomas poems to the online library…thinking both the nocturnes series and the online library, as well as the page of psychedelic links, are the parts of this site i care about the most these days…
thanksgiving this year i didn't quite spend totally alone as in many recent years…my girl lisa and i were on the phone a lot…talking of next year when we will be together in person on this holiday…
then all night at the donutshop in zombietown, trying to struggle out of my current writing slump…it's going slowly, but i'm not giving up yet…no fucking way giving up at all!!!
November 28, 2001
8:02 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
added 36 Nocturnes, second series, #30-35…getting closer to having online all that are written so far (as of this writing, i have written through 36 Nocturnes, sixth series, #3)…also added poems by william carlos williams to online library…that's coming along better too…
i'm happy to say that my girl has FINALLY seen my site and posted a comment to the guest book…yayyyyyyy…that happies me…jobhunting goes on and on…i'm ok…for the moment…gotta keep working…that's the only thing that keeps me up and awing…more soon…
December 5, 2001
6:28 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
the title of my current poetic series is 6 x 36 nocturnes, not merely 36 nocturnes…this morning corrected the pages at this site accordingly…also added to online library some poems by wallace stevens…years ago i took a college class in stevens & t.s. eliot, and i must admit i was way too immature to appreciate either of them much at that time…now i look at stevens's 13 ways to look at a blackbird and find it cosmically yummy…hehe…
my girl lisa has been looking at this website a lot lately, to my delight…she has decided now to build her own…i'm hoping she'll let me help her but she does have such a stubborn streak…hehe…while i was down in connecticut this week having a redemptively good time with old friends, she & i had many delicious phone calls, and she got to talk to a couple of my friends…they are now learning the depth & loveliness of my romance with this woman…a romance i hope and intend to carry on for many many years…more soon…last month of year and i'm in the ring swinging away again…hehe…
December 11, 2001
11:44 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
added Guerrilla News Network to the alternative news links page…yah, not much of an addition, but something anyhow…that page is starting to become decently lengthed for finding out what is really going on in the world beyond the lying rhetoric of UNITED WE STAND IN GOD WE TRUST IRAQ IS NEXT that is poisoning this land…country founded on ideals of freedom of speech for all individuals is fast becoming a flagwaving fascist empire with no regard for anyone who does not facelessly nod like a smiley face stuck in the back window of a car…it's sick…RESIST RESIST RESIST…
December 15, 2001
11:30 a.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
this morning added to main page a link to poetry by lisa marie…my girl, my love…six poems to start out with more to come…also fixed link to poetry by joe ciccone, hadn't realized that the link was inaccurately coded…and also added to online library poetry by octavio paz…a good few hours of work despite the fuss my puter's mouse is putting up…ahh well…
December 22, 2001
1:00 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
added the fun da fun sight fUSION Anomoly to psychedelic links page…also to that page an artwork site by my friend Adam Fu Reed (hoping this inspires him to do new work!)…puter's mouse is still acting up but i've managed to get some work done nonetheless…as year nears close i'm feeling nudgingly more hopeful…lisa marie inspires me every single day…last night, on the solstice, i thanked the universe for her, and for my art :)
December 24, 2001
7:35 p.m.
newman rd.
malden, mass.
tonight the online library welcomes the poetry of federico garcia lorca…and two new poems added to those by my sweetie artist/muse lisa marie…i think i'm gonna be working again on the nocturnes and get more of them online soon…tomorrow is xmas for many, not me, but lisa & I celebrated winter solstice last friday with poetry, candles, and incense :) more soon…
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